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Cheering for the Cubs means that 95% of the time I read things from the local papers I'm reading some crap. Usually I'll let shots from the national media and even other towns media just bounce off me, other places like to laugh at the Cubs misfortune, not a big deal. This morning though St. Louis Post Dispatch writer Bernie Miklasz struck a nerve with this lovely piece of writing.
LOS ANGELES — Those lucky Dodgers, leading a charmed life and enjoying outrageously good fortune.
The Dodgers thought they were playing the Cardinals in the 2009 NL Division Series.
The Dodgers are playing the Cardinals in the 2009 NLDS, here is the proof.
Instead, the Chicago Cubs showed up again.
No they didn't, not one member of the Cubs is on the field in LA this week. Unless you count Mark DeRosa, which I don't think anybody does.
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Last October, the Dodgers swept the Cubs in three games, swiftly but cruelly destroying the inflated hopes of a cursed franchise. It was predictable.
Yes the Cubs did get swept, but was it predictable? USA Today had 11 people pick the Cubs to wins last year. At ESPN 9 of 10 writers picked the Cubs to win. We could go on with this, the point is that everybody thought the Cubs would win which is what made that NLDS so shocking to Cubs fans, and so much fun for jackasses like Miklasz.
This October, the Dodgers have a chance to sweep the Cardinals, who have inexplicably turned into the Cubs, right before your disbelieving eyes. And that was unpredictable.
Because that is physically impossible. The Cardinals didn't turn into the Cubs they are still the Cardinals. Carlos Zambrano, Alfonso Soriano, and Milton Bradley aren't playing for St. Louis. That is Chris Carpenter, Matt Holliday, and Ryan Ludwick. They are the ones screwing up at every turn. By all means keep thinking you are watching the Cubs though it just makes you look dumber.
Do not adjust your HD TV sets at home, and do not throw any hard objects at those television screens: These aren't really the Cubs; they only look like it. They are the Cardinals, striking out and dropping balls and loitering on the bases and blowing saves and going all Leon Durham '84 on us in an epic meltdown.
First of all if you throw something at your TV each time the Cubs are on you have an issue. How do the Cardinals look like the Cubs right now? You think Holliday looks like Soriano? I tend to get buff white men confused with skinny dark skinned Latinos all the time. The lesson here is that other teams besides the Cubs make mistakes playing baseball, shocking I know.
Except that there is no curse in St. Louis today. Only curse words.
Every curse starts somewhere, perhaps St. Louis started their curse last night.
And there is no billy goat haunting the Cardinals. But Matt Holliday is turning into the goat of this bizarre NLDS.
Perhaps the Matt Holliday curse has just started, ever think of that Bernie?
Thursday, the Cardinals had a win in Game 2 loaded up and ready to transport back to St. Louis. It was the bottom of the ninth inning. The Cardinals had stood on the shoulders of their tenacious and brilliant starter, Adam Wainwright, long enough to barely squeeze a 2-1 lead from their veins. The Wainwright curve ball was awesome for eight innings; he displayed the best hook in LA since Kareem Abdul-Jabbar played for the Lakers.
There were two outs, with no runners on. Dodger James Loney hit a routine line drive to left field. This was it, third out. The Cardinals were somehow going to survive 48 hours of offensive ineptitude to win a game and take a 1-1 series back to Busch Stadium.
In a few seconds Dodgers fans would be streaming to the parking lots for the drive home.
Except Holliday, playing left, had a GPS malfunction. He lost track of Loney's game-ending out.
"I couldn't see the ball," Holliday said. "I lost it in the lights."
Holliday fumbled away the third out. Loney ended up on second. And closer Ryan Franklin had his own little Southern California earthquake, getting swallowed up in a winning Dodger sequence of walk, game-tying single, another walk and game-winning single.
Dodgers 3, Cardinals 2.
Holy crap 7 paragraphs of non-BS writing, I doubt it continues.
"Tough to swallow," Holliday said. Evidently. "I feel terrible," he said. Undoubtedly.
See he says he feels bad, the best fans in baseball will forgive him no problem.
Agent Scott Boras may feel even worse.
Why would Scott Boras care that one of his players dropped a ball? I'll assume you think that drop somehow cost Holliday money on the free agent market, it didn't. I know St. Louis hasn't sniffed a marquee free agent in a number of years, but I can promise you that one mistake is easily forgiven by other teams (Ted Lilly punched one manager, then got $40 million a few months later).
"The ball hit my stomach," Holliday said.
No it hit your balls
And stomachs turned throughout St. Louis.
After freezing in Game 1 by taking three consecutive strikes with the bases loaded and no out, and after offering a tribute to Chris Duncan with the ninth-inning error in Game 2, Holliday is not exactly giving Cardinals chairman Bill DeWitt Jr. a reason to succumb to the free-agent demands of Boras.
Refusing to resign a guy based on two plays? Even the Cardinals aren't that stupid.
Is Holliday the only Cardinal wearing the Cubs' hat in this series? Well, of course not. And Holliday did homer to give the Cardinals a 1-0 lead in Game 2. He also left a runner in scoring position with a ground out in the third. And that was the theme for the second consecutive game.
I haven't seen any Cubs hats in this NLDS, and Holliday's homer is the only reason you weren't tied in the ninth so maybe you shut up now. Just for fun Brendan Ryan and Yadier Molina also blew a number of chances in that game, but they aren't wearing Cubs hats are they?
The Cardinals were 0 for nine with runners in scoring position Thursday and flunked at numerous chances to open up a comfortable lead for Wainwright. In the first two games, they're three for 22 with RISP. That includes Brendan Ryan's 0 for five, Yadier Molina's 0 for three and Holliday's 0 for two. If that weak batting average with RISP keeps up, it'll be RIP on Saturday.
Dodgers manager Joe Torre has neutralized Albert Pujols, and none of the hitters who follow Pujols in the lineup are giving Torre a reason to regret his tactics.
Now we pass some blame on others, since you know a dropped fly ball with nobody on and two outs always leads to more walks and hits. People have been saying you simply walk Pujols for years now, Torre had the balls to do it and even the presence of Holliday can't bail out St. Louis.
And then there's Franklin. Yes, Game 2 should have been snapped to a close by Holliday's glove. Yes, Franklin was a victim of some bad luck. But he also caved after Holliday's misplay. In his last 15 appearances, dating back to Aug. 23, Franklin has allowed 36 base runners in 13 2/3 innings, has been racked for a .357 batting average, and has blown four saves in 11 chances.
In other words Ryan Franklin turned back into the mediocre middle relief pitcher that he was his entire career. Its just that Tony LaRussa is too thick to realize it and won't put a better guy in to close games.
In losing 16 of their last 23, the Cardinals have scored three runs or fewer 14 times. In the 16 losses, they're hitting .197 with runners in scoring position. It isn't pretty.
The Cardinals come home to St. Louis now. They're in dire circumstances as they walk into Busch Stadium for Game 3 on Saturday. The comeback begins with these two steps:
Bernie is on to something here, the Cardinals aren't scoring runs and no matter how much pitching you have it does take some runs to win games. I know what the two steps should be, but I'll bet Bernie doesn't.
1. Quit impersonating the Cubs.
2. Win a game. Survive.
It's all they can do.
Oh, and one more thing: catch the ball.
I don't see their left fielder hopping, right fielder throwing the ball into the stands, or their third baseman grabbing his shoulder in pain. That means they aren't impersonating the Cubs they are just pathetic at offense, something that can happen to any team.
The steps should be: 1. score runs, 2. pray that Joel Piniero doesn't suck.
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